The Living Will

RECENTLY I WAS LOOKING ONLINE FOR INFORMATION ON LIVING WILLS. IT STARTED OUT LOOKING FOR PERSONAL HEALTH RECORDS TRACKING, WHERE YOU KEEP AN IN DEPTH RECORD OF YOUR PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE HEALTH RECORDS FROM YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ALSO A FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH RECORDS. LIKE A FAMILY TREE BUT WITH HEALTH RECORDS. ANYWAY IT GOT ME WONDERING “AM I TO YOUNG TO WORRY ABOUT A LIVING WILL” OR “SHOULD I EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT WHEN THESE TIMES COME,HOW I WANT TO SURVIVE” I AM ONLY 39 AND AS I SIT HERE AND PONDER THESE QUESTIONS I AM VERY CONFUSED AS TO HOW TO ANSWER THEM. ON ONE HAND I COULD GET HIT BY A CAR TOMORROW AND BE IN A COMA WITH [ONLY LORD KNOWS] THE OPTIONS AND THE OTHER HAND IS, DO I REALLY KNOW WHAT I WANT IF I AM TO BE A VEGETABLE WHEN I COME OUT OF THE COMA OR DO I WANT TO BE ON LIFE SUSTAINING SUPPORT FOR A YEAR? I AM VERY MIXED ON THESE ANSWERS. 

MY MOTHER LIVED WITH ARTERY PROBLEMS FOR ABOUT 20 YRS, SHE HAD 2 STINTS PUT IN HER LEGS AND HAD AN ARTERY BYPASS ON HER NECK. SHE WENT THROUGH 2 STROKES AND WAS GETTING READY TO RE-DUE THE STINT IN ONE OF HER LEGS WHEN THEY FOUND SHE HAD SMALL CELL LUNG CANCER AND THROUGH EVERYTHING SHE STAYED STRONG AND POSITIVE UNTIL THE DOCTOR FOUND AFTER MANY BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS AND A FULL TREATMENT OF CHEMOTHERAPY THAT THE CANCER HAD METASTASIZED INTO HER ABDOMEN AND THAT BY THIS TIME WAS IN TO BAD OF HEALTH TO ENDURE ANOTHER ROUND OF CHEMO AND RADIATION. THIS WAS IT SHE WAS TOLD SHE HAD LESS THAN 6 MONTHS TO LIVE AND LESS THAN 2 MONTHS AFTER THAT SHE PASSED AWAY..THIS WAS IN 2005 AND WHILE I TOOK CARE OF HER UNDER THE HOSPICE NURSE I WATCHED EVERYTHING AND HELPED HER DEAL WITH ALL THE LEVELS OF END OF LIFE MOODS ETC. AND THE ONE THING THAT STICKS THROUGH EVERYTHING IS WHEN SHE HAD ME SIT NEXT TO HER AND JUST TALK WITH HER, AND THE LAST THING SHE SAID BEFORE SHE WENT TO SLEEP THAT NIGHT WAS ” ITS TIME TO GO, I’M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED”! THE NEXT DAY SHE PASSED AWAY. BUT TODAY WHEN I SIT HERE AND THINK ABOUT THOSE WORDS AND MY IDEALS FOR THIS LIVING WILL, I KEEP GOING OVER HER PAST EXPERIENCES AND IT MAKES ME WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS EVEN MORE. 

I’M SURE I’LL EVENTUALLY FIGURE IT OUT,BUT TIL THEN I’M STUMPED!!!!

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star1975cj

I'm 41 and I'm in the process of trying to pursue my dreams of being a journalist.

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